The "Joe-urnal"

Fuck if I know what day it is. Simul's weird. Either that, or I'm sleep deprived. I'm probably sleep deprived. ~ADDENDUM: It was the 20th of Stirps.~

As of late, problems from when I got drunk off my ass have been surfacing in the form of a handful of letters. I figured out some of what I did at Mary's, including why she stabbed me. It's hard to even think about what I've done, especially since I have little to no recollection of it. I just wish I went straight into training with Falvir, though at that point I might not have awoken my visual prowess.

I went fishing at Lake Torra to take my mind off of it, and for a moment it worked. Damn shame some lady came careening out of the sky and nearly took out me and Jerome. Lost my lunch too.

Her name is Arah, and she was a member of some "Urgent Messages Guild" like I'm supposed to know what that is. If it's the mail faction that's been allowing me contact with those beyond Castle Drafaylum's walls, they have both blessed and cursed me with knowledge. Arah, for example, was bringing good tidings regarding my doings at Miss Barcet's farm, in which I became an impromptu exterminator, as well as a fine bottle of wine. I'm glad that Faemill's alright, honestly, though it was unintentionally taunting when she sent a 50 year old wine bottle with her letter.

Arah is very kind, hell, kind to a fault I'll get to later. Naive as hell too, reminded me of myself on first impressions. Doesn't look half bad either, her eyes are particularly beautiful. She sought to learn my lightning magic when I revealed my apparent doings at the Barcet Farm. I tried my best to teach her the gestures to a base form of Vorpal Storm, only for it to burn her hand. I tried again with a different rendition and it just got really fucked up. The girl has some deposit of what I assume to be mana gifted to her by the god she worships from her home realm, and it clashes immensely with arcane spells. It caused the lightning to coalesce in her hand as opposed to extending from it, which threw me off for the little time I had to think about it. I ended up trying to call off the lesson because I realized I was doing a piss poor job teaching, as I just tried to teach her what signs to use to channel the spell, and not the nature of the signs themselves. I can't repeat the mistakes of the past.

The reason she nearly ran me over with her odd vehicle was because a harpy decided to knock her out of the sky after losing a street race. Said harpy returned with a posse of 6 other harpies armed with clubs, a sword, an axe, a bow, and a firearm. Me and Jerome went to go fight them, and Arah told me not to gut them all. I tried to oblige, I told them to piss off before I was forced to slaughter them and the gunslinger just raised their gun and tried to put one between my eyes. Jerome jerked downward and I jerked back and it nearly split my head. Luckily it just parted my flesh, but at the same time I could have just fucking died then and there and it's a feeling I'm used to but it feels so wrong compared to how I'm used to feeling. Did I lose my edge? I didn't get unnerved when I barely survived that, I cut them all apart immediately. Should have field tested Mortality to be honest but that's besides the point.

Arah got pissy with me after I returned to kill the one that approached her, and it willingly subjected itself to the still active spell in Arah's hand. I left shortly after that. Told her that my magic is meant for killing people, and that if she wanted to learn it then she needed to be ready to take a life.

I took the firearm and dumped it off at Barska's forge before I hauled ass to find some bandages or something. Senka found me and lended me a hand with the situation, and I went to lie down. I'm writing this shortly after I awoke, it's dark outside now. The feeling about before has passed, but the memory remains. Still don't know why I felt that way.

Reminds me, some not so recent event was that I encountered that man, Orion. Bastard IS from Ysteraan, but not mine though. He took me there. Took me to Fell Dagger, or whatever the hell they called it there. I saw them. My friends. Me. Fucking, Me. They were just living the dream at that point, looked stacked as hell. The other me had a nice looking sword. I wanted to say something, I just didn't know what to say. We left when Jorrucian noticed Orion, who's apparently Jorru's godfather in that world. I hope getting to my realm isn't going to be difficult if entire worlds can just coexist like that. Hell I hope mine still exists.

I think I might just show up to the hotsprings east of here, ask around if that Kurisu fellow is still alive. Man said he'd write to me if he was still alive and I don't know how long it's been since I got that letter. At the bare minimum least, it's been a month.

The big takeaway if you're reading this entry of my ramblings is that if you have armor for your face you should probably wear it. I should have.

It is near the end of this realm's Summer, I believe.

Jerome has died and It's my fault. We were in battle with one of the beings corrupted by Timothy. One of Silver's old kids, Luna, actually. The one that shot me last time, Shadow, cancelled out Falvir. Something got in my head right before things escalated, and I managed to fight it off long enough to get a good hit in. I thought we might have had it, and got too focused on the thing ransacking my memories and feelings. She shot Jerome point blank with some splash of that accursed acid. I couldn't hear him and what he was saying before, likely because of the presence in my psyche. I got it to back off, and I heard Jerome ask me to kill him. The first thing I actually used my firearm on was my friend.

The only one I had left of my realm is dead. I have to carry that weight now, and I will. I will bear all this weight so long as I can still breathe, and beyond that if I can. I will see my friends restored. As for Jerome, he's buried now. Falvir and Quenya made a statue of him with me on it and I can't stand to look at it. I shouldn't be up there. Senka took some of his feathers and put them in my coat, among other things. I appreciate the concern, but I can't say I'm not mad that she did it while I was out.

Currently, I'm waiting for my body to heal itself. Falvir has consistently spoken of higher magic, teleportation, and recently something about bringing Jerome back. I don't think I want to bother with it anymore. With most of all the stuff I need here being illegal or apparently too complicated, I don't know if I'll actually get around to learning what I wish to know. I can get stuff down really fast, I don't know why he's held out on me. Most of all we've studied has been combat oriented, and I can't help but think that bloodshed got me into all this mess, though at the same time, it can't be helped, not anymore at least. It's just not what I need. Maybe he's just disappointed in me or something like that.

Senka and Silver gave me some books to help with this thing haunting me, Senka giving me something with general information about teleportation. I already have two solid forms of it down, best I could do is maybe shave a few seconds off the long distance one, but that would require more time to alter my core formulas for the spell.

I guess if anything, I'm aggravated that I've accomplished little to nothing. Simul's boogie man apparently has his sights on me too, which makes my next few plans all the dumber.

I plan to wander this land, perhaps seek solutions from other arcane institutes or fellow magic practitioners. I'll try to maintain my lair here in the castle, but I need to seek for answers somewhere else. They may be here, just not where I'm allowed to look, or are too powerful for me to have.

As for whatever the hell's gotten in my head, I've come to what I could describe as a truce with it. The thing seems more interested in my experiences prior to Simul, and sometimes I let it take me on nostalgia trips. It's a pleasant sort of thing, but there are times I want it out of my head. As I'm writing this, I had to shoo it out with one of the spells I've developed thanks to Falvir's rather brief instruction.

During my battle with Luna, I awoke the Draconic Incarnation supposedly available to my kin. A rudimentary form of it, only half a dragon's skeleton, but a segment of it nonetheless. My birthright pulled me through that fight, and while uncertain, I believe Jerome had some hand in its appearance. The conjuration of the form is painful. I felt like my body was being torn from my vessel, and whenever the construct was damaged I could feel like my bones were being broken.

I want to train with it further. It saved me from the profane magic Luna wielded.

Furthermore, some other odd things have begun to happen to my vessel. My teeth and jaws seem to be stronger, and I've this indescribable recurrent hunger for no food, but some immaterial energy, perhaps mana itself? It worries me, but if the opportunity arises I think I might just bite the shit out of someone if they start something, and see what happens.

Prior to this big mess, I did get around to talking to the Tokuros, and they actually have a solution for how I could get to my realm. It'd be a suicide mission, I think, and I would be receiving some gift created by a deity I know little about, so I'm hesitant. At the same time, it's an answer, so if I don't find anything else, I've got a way. From there, I'll just find something in my realm if it's all unavailable in Simul, I know for a fact there's probably still something there. Of course, if there's anyone who had the magic, they might not be able to use it if at all because the serpent's gone, as is it's flow of mana.

I'll find a way. I have to figure out what I'm going to do without my friend.

I need to update one of the Tokuros, too. We both had griffons, and at the time Jerome wanted to acquire a mate. It seemed like a good idea to help him out like that. I'm sad that I never told him, though in dying he might have been more disappointed.

Not sure when I'll update this next, maybe when I actually get something done.

Progress has been made.

First and foremost, I've secured Jerome's soul and have entered an actual pact with him. He's suspended in the void at the moment, and in collaborating with him I've tapped into some wind elemency. We ended up accomplishing this after his disembodied soul appeared on that one Simulian holiday where the dead may roam the land. We accidentally broke into Silver's tower in a gambit to find a good enough jar to stuff him in. Silver nearly killed us, then bound my bird to a void crystal. I have no reason to complain at this point, especially since one way or another, I’m going to be able to bring him back.

I failed to make any major leaps towards resurrection or teleportation in the months after Jerome died, but I was not entirely idle or useless. Improvements to my arcanas have been made, my best development from this period was being able to put myself back together and keep myself from falling apart with some spells I deciphered from a priestess's tome. I also found an augment for my draconic incarnation with spellcraft, though it’s terribly inefficient I feel.

Met up with one of the Tokuro’s and gave them the bad news, they were the one with the Griffon. Rose was her name, got that wrong in one of my last entries. Around that time, an ally to that clan showed their head, a swordswoman going by Kaida. I’ll elaborate on her.

Kaida and I agreed to cross swords when next we met up, and simply put, I got my ass handed to me. I fought well, but leaned too far into offense, or perhaps it was too little. My own failures aside, her fighting style was impressive. She used this incredible weapon that was part blade and part firearm, with an internal multi-purposed ammunition system enabling myriad skills. She also experienced some form of draconic awakening, and I can't deny the fact that I wish I got a better explanation. It can't be helped as it was spontaneous for her, but I’m envious.

I'd actually developed some Hemomancy around that time, and got to test it out. This squalid blood of mine proved good material for the magic. Another factor that came up in the battle was The Presence. It first reared its head during the battle I lost Jerome in. I’ve since learned that it is rooted to the sword Korrianna gave me. I thought all was well until it directly possessed my arm during my fight with Kaida, though it did so to try and save me in the climax of the battle. I feel uncertain regarding it, but so far, it has shown me mostly benevolent intent.

Unfortunately, I’ve also found that the Tokuros are just Gone. Missing without so much a word. Their base was a mess of ash and splinters when I last checked, and now there's said to be a lake there. I can succeed without their assistance, but that does not mean it was unwanted. I hope they’re well, wherever they are.

I've met a handful of other interesting individuals, I feel it apt to take notes about them. Better for me to remember, too much going on upstairs.

I forget exactly when but there was an outworlder elf named Iotex that I gave directions to. She carried with her technology the likes I’d not seen before, and it was a stretch to identify the magical properties. Her biology is strange as well, different from other elven kind I’ve met. My impression is that she’s talented at artifice, and though her line of magic is different from my own, she’s a fellow intellectual. It’d be nice to see how she’s doing, and if I could learn something from her.

There’s something terrible roaming the castle’s halls. She Introduced herself as Lucaria, but I believe she goes by Celestine now. An aberrant union produced her and gave her the ability to tear apart reality itself as she saw fit. She made a sandwich I’d eaten materialize anew. It sounds ridiculous for me to say I fear her, but I know what I saw. These Eyes have yet to fail me. She’d actually come looking for my help, and I offered her some magic channeling advice. I plan to oversee her growth if I can. It’s a little harder to sleep knowing something like that lives nearby. I hope she doesn’t find a way into my demiplane.

There’s a different newcomer, calls herself Valentina. Her magical prowess is particularly interesting, namely energy manifestation and transformation into solid weapons at levels I’ve barely scraped towards. I asked all I could, but she and her group that might’ve been scattered into this realm are all innate casters. She did tell me about one of her more unpleasant allies, and even asked that I attempt to humble them. They’ve dominion over the dark and even gravity itself, yet I feel undeterred. Perhaps I’m just looking for redemption after my last defeat.

I must confess, natural born mages vex me. What takes them a wave of the hand or a minor incantation puts my mind to work in excess. There’ve been times when my head just wants to split open, and some will never know that pain. Even if I technically am one on account of my ancestry, I can’t help but envy them and what I cannot grasp.

Even so, there’s something wonderful about them.

Jerome brought with him the secrets of the dead, which led me on a treasure hunt for magical plunder. I looted two places, both with wildly different results. Wish Well was the first, and it was there that I saw the puppeteer, Simul’s own shadow. I don’t want to think about it, it makes my blood boil, and I shudder at being that close to death again. I hate that feeling.

The second location I visited was nestled deep in the northwestern woods. This hunter snuck up on me, I came flying at them with lightning in my hand, yet I recognized them. Somewhere in the mess of clouded memories, I knew that face, and they remembered me too.

Her name’s Suirin. If I had to call her anything, it’s that she’s a living contradiction, she’s got some manner of double life going on. She and I used to be part of this demon hunting group, but I left after we came across no demons to hunt for too long. I assume so, at least. Her business in the woods was to acquire a familial artifact, and it ended up being the remains of some kind of forest demon.

She gets ahold of it, absorbs it, and this beautiful wave of flames erupts from the depths of her soul. I wish I was better with words, I could convey what it looked like properly. I would have probably died if I didn’t use the bones of my dragon form. The surge of power overwhelmed her and I had to leech some of the mana from her, turns out that I Can do that.

As a side note, I think it’s some sort of pseudo-vampirism. It has to have something to do with a blood transfusion I received, and more with my body’s reaction to it. I’m some sort of evolutionary fuck up at this point. The downside to all this is that I can’t taste or smell anything.

Back to Suirin, once she recovered, I took her back to her home in Eleutheria. As it so happens, she’s a noble’s daughter, moonlighting as an explorer and demon hunter. What’s more, is that she’s the reincarnation of some demon or forest spirit. She’d been bothered by what she was for so long, and part of that resonated with me. She and I struck an agreement to help each other with our quests, hers being the truth of her past life, and mine being, well, get back to my realm and bring Them back.

She ended up aiding me spectacularly, not that I had my doubts about forming an alliance. She left a hell of an impression and I wanted to learn more about that soul and her power regardless. We hatched this plan to retrieve some historical records for her from one of the archives in Concordia, mainly to confirm something. I planned to ask him for help, but Falvir and his wife Quenya got roughed up by some harlot going by Elmryia. Suirin helped me get Falvir out of the hospital wing, she actually distracted Senka for a moment, and claims she’s removed her from her memory. I never heard anything about it either.

The archive ended up being a bust, all we found were some teachers fooling around. Falvir had other plans. He had us go back to Eleutheria, march right up to the castle of all places, and nearly had us fight our way through. An averted misunderstanding later, and we got into the King’s archives. Suirin got what she needed, and I found something I’d been looking for since the very beginning. Silver, in an act of goodwill, gave the monarch some of his spells, and I now have my hands on his teleportation spell. Deciphering it has been a bitch and half but it’s going to be the key I’ve needed for so long. All I have to do now is find a way to put Them back together.

After we left the archive, we got some food back in Concordia, and made future plans to rendezvous. Next time we met up, Falvir had actually let me borrow his motorcycle, and we messed around on that for a while. Su wasn’t the biggest fan, said it was too loud, and that made sense given she’s got four ears half the time. We still had fun just driving the thing. I was doing great until I nearly crashed us into a boulder. I thought she meant it when she said she didn’t want to see me again. I felt genuine dread.

Not even a week after that, I get a letter, and she’s asking if I want to go explore some spot in the south forest. Nothing even really occurred, we just found a rotting abode, yet it was still fun just following her around. More of the same has been happening, and it would almost feel like it’s a waste of my time if it didn’t make me feel good in comparison to the monotony of pushing the pen and the constant calculations I do for my arcane research. Maybe even better than crossing swords.

We did end up pinpointing a spot in the desert where Something is. One of the things that killed her before she was Suirin. An Ash Crow, or rather, a Phoenix as they call it here.

At the moment though, we just finished celebrating the turn of the year in Simul. The passage of time should have ravaged my psyche again, yet it hasn’t. She’d invited me over to her family’s estate, and for a few hours we just sat down watching the stars and the distant flash of fireworks over the capitol. It got a bit cold and I offered to share my coat with her. She’s said my coat's ugly before, but this time she accepted it. A while after that, she gifted me some clothes she’d made and sent me on my way.

I can’t tell if it’s something new or familiar, but I feel Great.